Raven (koohii_cafe) wrote,

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August 21: Ash Williams and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Secret

Title: Ash Williams and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Secret
Author: koohii_cafe
Rating: FR13
Crossover: BtVS/Evil Dead
Disclaimer: Since I am a poor chickadee with no wealth to speak of, I think it's safe to say that neither BtVS nor Evil Dead are mine. ^^;
Written for: TtH August Fic A Day Challenge
Summary: Ashley J. Williams has a secret, a dark terrible secret he guards with his very life. Too bad he can’t keep a secret from his girlfriend to save his life.
Author's notes: Comics? What comics? >.> This is set post season 7 for BtVS, and after the end of AoD for Evil Dead. Also, I was horribly, horribly influenced by Bruce Campbell himself for this one. ^^;


He was Ash Williams, Promised One, Hero and one time King of Kandar, Hunter of Deadites, and the Manliest Man in all of Michigan. He was also the keeper of a deep, dark, terrible secret that he guarded with his very life, for if anyone were to ever find out, the world itself would shudder and crack from the sheer horror of the truth. He was also checking out after work.

“Why do you still shop here?” Iggy looked utterly bored as he scanned through the items Ash had brought up to the counter, as he often looked when dealing with Ash. Ash didn’t blame him, though; compared to his own life, Iggy’s was so mediocre it had to hurt the other man to hear the great tales Ash often told. “With Buffy’s salary, can’t you afford better than S-Mart?”

“Don’t say that too loud, kid, or the boss’ll hear ya and have your ass,” the Promised One warned, watching with an eagle eye as Iggy rung up a box of ammunition, and frowning at the price that popped up. “S-Mart products saved my life more’n I can count. And those’re supposed to be marked down- deer season opened today. Check that, will ya?” He always liked when a new hunting season started; it meant sales on the stuff he used daily. After all, it was always hunting season where Deadites were concerned, and havin’ to shell out tons of money for bullets was a pain in the ass. Rolling his eyes, Iggy punched a few buttons on the cash register and a moment later, the reduced price showed on the little screen. Satisfied, Ash continued. “Besides, I don’t make Buffy pay for nothing- what kinda guy would I be, makin’ my girlfriend buy my stuff? The kind who’s not a man at all, that’s what.”

“In other words,” the kid stated, scanning a couple bags of chips next, followed by several boxes of snack cakes, “she won’t pay for all your junk food, right? Or your beer?”

“She’d pay for everything if I let her,” Ash said defiantly, glaring at the younger- well, okay, he and Iggy were the same age, but hey, Ash had worked at S-Mart for longer, and he was older emotionally… yeah, that was it- man and shoving the six pack of beer that was next at him. “But a man’s gotta have his pride. Buffy respects that, and me, got it?” Sure, he sometimes let her pay for groceries, and house stuff, and even weapons- he always got a kick out of makin’ her buy gun stuff, cause she hated them so much- but he was self-sufficient, damn it. “So I buy my stuff, she buys her stuff, and we’re set.”

“Whatever you say, Ash,” came the monotone reply, making the bigger man glower and huff. Then, there was silence for a minute or so as Iggy kept scanning; aspirin, bandages, a couple blue shirts, lavender shampoo, soa- “Lavender, Ash?” An eyebrow arched over Iggy’s glasses as he stared at the famed Deadite killer. Ash scowled and snatched the shampoo from the counter, shoving it into a bag himself.

“It’s for Buffy.”

“What happened to ‘you buy your stuff, she buys her stuff?’” the kid questioned with a smirk.

“Yeah, well, sometimes I buy her stuff too. Shut up ‘n gimme the total.” And when he did, Ash shoved a bill into his hands, grabbed his bags, and stamped off.


“Hey Ash?” He looked up from the Remington he’d been dutifully cleaning at the sound of Buffy’s voice from the stairs. She was standing halfway down them wearing nothing but a big blue towel wrapped around her body neatly. In one hand, she held a bottle of purple shampoo, a confused look on her face. “Where’d this come from?”

Big brown eyes widened for a split second- crap! She wasn’t supposed to see that! That wasn’t supposed to be in the bathroom! Where had she-

“Lavender?” The blonde’s nose crinkled a little as she flipped the cap open and sniffed at it. “Not really my scent, and I’d definitely remember buying it. Did you grab it by mistake or something?”

“Y- yeah!” Oh god, good, she was practically hand wrapping an excuse for it! All he had to do was take it, and his manliness and reputation would be safe. No one would ever realize that Ash Williams, the most egotistical and macho man this side of the Pacific, had a secret weakness. Except- she was grinning a little, at him. Thank fast, Ash! “That- yeah, musta been an accident. Not like I pay attention to what’s in the soap aisle, ya know. I’m more Housewares.”

“Right.” She was definitely grinning. And holding up her other hand, which he hadn’t seen before, and which was holding a blue loofah. A loofah he was damn sure he’d hidden in the same place as the shampoo, and its matching bodywash. “I guess I can just throw these away then.”


“Shaaaddup,” Ash growled, pushing up from his seat and stalking over to grab both shampoo and loofah from his girlfriend. “It’s smells nice.”

Yup. Ash Williams, Deadite killer extraordinaire, had a weakness. Lavender. If Iggy at work figured it out, he’d be the laughing stock of all of S-Mart. Good thing his girlfriend knew how to keep her mouth shut about important secrets, right? After all, she’d kept her identity as the Slayer secret, hadn’t she?

Oh… Yeah. He was doomed.
Tags: btvs, evil dead, fan fic, fic: stakes & shotguns, tth august fic a day, writing
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